Is it the paycheck, a lack of decent scripts, or have some talented actors just given up on trying? We're getting tired of flipping on the television and seeing a trailer for Diane Keaton in "Old Woman Remembers How to Have Fun XII" or Jack Nicholson in "Creepy Man Strikes Again Part 5." Listen, we've all made mistakes. We've all slept with the wrong people, taken the wrong pill, found ourselves in a dark alley, bleeding but we're not sure why...but one thing is clear: strugging to find your stab wound at night is nothing compared to seeing Al Pacino star in Gigli. But Pacino is not alone. The slumming of Hollywood actors has become an epidemic. Frankly had to stop our list at 24, because watching any more of these films would force us to take that wrong pill again.
Steve Martin as Inspector Clouseau
Pink Panther, 2006
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 24%
A totally unnecessary remake, and sadly the Steve Martin of today is nowhere near as funny as the Peter Sellers of...ever. Also, putting Beyonce in a movie is pretty much begging somebody to kick the chair out from under you.
Al Pacino as StarkmanGigli, 2003
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 6%
Maybe when Al Pacino read the line "gobble gobble, it's turkey-time," he thought it was some sort of Thanksgiving-related mafia movie, not a film about J. Lo and Ben Affleck pretending they still want each other while dragging around a person with mental disabilities. He must have been very disappointed to learn the truth.
Christopher Walken as FengBalls of Fury, 2007
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 23%
To be fair, Christopher Walken was definitely the best part of this movie. Or really the only good part. Everything else pretty much sucked, unless you still like Def Leppard (no judgement).
Jack Nicholson as Edward ColeThe Bucket List, 2007
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 41%
This one had a full cast and crew of former respectables. Jack Nicholson, Morgan Freeman, and director Rob Reiner decided to get together and make a chick flick for dudes. I mean, come on – a film about two dying guys who make a list of things to do before they kick the bucket? That plot inspired us to make an anti-bucket list, featuring everything we will surely not do before dying. The list includes watching The Bucket List, taking schrooms a second time, and telling our dads we love them.
Diane Keaton as Elizabeth TateThe Other Sister, 1999
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 29%
Wow, this movie went full retard so hard. Twice. Then they got married.
Anthony Hopkins as Hannibal LecterHannibal, 2001
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 38%
You could say that the best part of this movie was Hannibal Lecter eating the brains out of Ray Liotta's head while he's still alive, but that makes it sound way more awesome than it really was.
Mark Wahlberg as David McCallFear, 1996
Rotten Tomatoes Ranking: 37%
Which is worse, the fingerbang rollercoaster ride or Mark Wahlberg ripping off a dog's head and throwing it into a house? Depends on whether or not you're 13 years old and watching this movie next to your mom at the theater.
Angelina Jolie as JuliaOriginal Sin, 2001
Rotten Tomatoes Ranking: 12%
If a movie is comprised mostly of Angelina Jolie sex scenes and still manages to be a snoozer, there is something very, very wrong with it. Look, even she's sleeping.
Nicolas Cage as Edward MalusThe Wicker Man, 2006
Rotten Tomatoes Ranking: 15%
Why does this movie suck? How about "Agh! Not the bees! Aghblib ibiity blagh agh! Oh my eyes, MY EYES!"
Hilary Swank as Katherine WinterThe Reaping, 2007
Rotten Tomatoes Ranking: 9%
"Hey, Hillary Swank, want to be in a movie directed by the guy who did Nightmare on Elm Street V? Cool beans, we'll see you in the bayou. Don't worry about stunts -- it's all CGI!"
Tom Hanks as Robert LangdonThe Da Vinci Code, 2006
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 24%
Honestly National Treasure was better than this movie, and it wasn't all God-crazy either. To say that something is worse than that movie is saying an awful lot. And Nicolas Cage is less weird-looking with long hair. Double burn.
Jon Voight as SaroneAnaconda, 1997
Rotten Tomatoes Rating: 28%
To his credit Jon Voight's character did himself a favor by being asleep for most of the film. At the same time, what kind of movie has a bad guy who's asleep for most of the film?! Oh well, he still gets it in the end (spoiler alert: he gets it from the Anaconda).
Kevin Kline as Artemus GordonWild Wild West, 1999
Rotten Tomatoes Ranking: 21%
Ah, yes, the magical prowess of steam-powered robots. The sheer terror of a gigantic, mechanical spider. The mind-boggling evil of a wheelchair that can shoot bullets. All this, coupled with an R&B soundtrack, pretty much make this the worst western ever made.
George Clooney as BatmanBatman & Robin, 1997
Rotten Tomatoes Ranking: 12%
Even George Clooney has admitted that he is the man who single-handedly ruined the Batman franchise. If it weren't for Christopher Nolen, we'd still be angry at him.
Richard Burton as Father Philip LamontThe Exorcist 2: The Heretic, 1977
Rotten Tomatoes Ranking: 14%
Seven Oscar nominations, and he agrees to do The Exorcist II? Was it the promise of seeing Linda Blair tap dancing in a tuxedo shirt, or the notion of James Earl Jones as an Ethiopian man who can fight demons by controlling plagues of locusts that led him to believe this was a good idea? Or was he just really, really drunk?
Forest Whitaker as KerBattlefield Earth, 2000
Rotten Tomatoes Ranking: 3%
On a future Earth, ruled by aliens, the cameraman will be incapable of filming a shot at a straight angle, editors will use fades and wipes you thought only existed for public access commercials, and Forest Whitaker will have dirty blond pseudo-dreadlocks.
Henry Fonda as Mr. WhiteheadTentacles, 1977
Rotten Tomatoes Ranking: 0%
What can save us from this deadly octopus, with all his tentacles?! How about a killer whale that has been trained to love humans but hate mean old octopi. That makes perfect sense.
Clint Eastwood as Tommy NowakPink Cadillac, 1989
Rotten Tomatoes Ranking: 18%
This movie was great in 1989...if you were a 60-year old Mary Kay saleswoman with a fear of pornography and a desire to add some material to your mental spank bank.
Robert De Niro as Fearless LeaderThe Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle, 2000
Rotten Tomatoes Ranking: 43%
Not only did Robert De Niro star in The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle - he produced it as well. Perhaps he was really just looking for an excuse to wear a leather military suit in public. Or maybe he just hates us all.
Dustin Hoffman as Mr. MagoriumMr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium, 2007
Rotten Tomatoes Ranking: 36%
If you thought Johnny Depp was annoying as Willy Wonka, you shouldn't see Dustin Hoffman as Mr. Magorium. Because he's like Johnny Depp on steroids...which is not a good thing, considering that mixing steroids with whatever drugs Depp is on already would most likely kill you.
Michael Caine as Michael JenningsOn Deadly Ground, 1994
Rotten Tomatoes Ranking: 0%
Everybody knows Michael Caine will make anything. He couldn't even accept his Oscar for Hannah and Her Sisters because he was out shooting Jaws 4. But you would think that no matter how much a man needs martini money, the phrase "Steven Seagal's directorial debut" would be enough to scare him away. *Bonus* It's an "ecological thriller," so Caine gets suspended by his feet over a vat full of oil that he eventually drowns in.
Johnny Depp as the Earl of RochesterThe Libertine, 2005
Rotten Tomatoes Ranking: 31%
To The Libertine's credit, it does give one a greater appreciation for penicillin, and a finer understanding of prosthetic noses. Oh, knowledge of such things doesn't do it for you? That makes sense.
Ben Kingsley as KaganBloodRayne, 2005
Rotten Tomatoes Ranking: 4%
The problem with Ben Kingsley is that you could ask him to come to your nephew's Bar Mitzvah and be on the tape and he would probably say yes. And it would probably be more entertaining than BloodRayne (seriously, it's one word).
Marlon Brando as Dr. Moreau
The Island of Dr. Moreau, 1996
Rotten Tomatoes Ranking: 23%
Brando won three BAFTAs, two Golden Globes, two Oscars and countless nominations, and the Treehouse of Terror version of this story was better than this movie.
