As men, we rarely know what women are thinking, at all. And when it comes to sex we are even more in the dark. Of course, it doesn’t help that the female mind is constantly calculating, trying to figure out the “right” thing to say, no matter what it does for your relationship. So to take the bag off your head, here are five things your girlfriend might say that should throw up some serious red flags.
1. “It was…good”
If this is what your girlfriend says after sex then odds are you probably spent the whole time poking her in the eye and moving around like a horny jackrabbit. It’s time to think about whether she really finished or if you made her leg fall asleep and she was trying to wake it up.
2. “Let’s Try a Different Position”
What she means to say is, “You have completely butchered this position, let’s see if a change of scenery can make you seem less bad.” This is pretty much the sex equivalent of changing the offensive system so that the quarterback stops turning over the ball.
3. “Let’s Spice Things Up”
What she really means is “Your fat ass lying on top of me and doing the old thrust-eroo is boring me to death.”
You better hurry up and pick up a copy of the Kama Sutra before you start finding all kinds of vibrating fallic objects in her drawer.
4. “Keep Doing It Like That”
This is one reserved for the rare occasion when you have accidentally slipped by are doing something right. So do whatever you have to do to remember what the hell you’re doing, and keep doing it, over and over and over. (You know, until she gets bored. Then you’re sh*t out of luck, again…)
5. “It’s OK, Baby”
Wow, this is the big one. Whatever you just did, or didn’t do, has made you into such a sympathetic figure that even she feels sorry for you. At this point, you need to either take a few swings in the batting cage, or hang ‘em up and retire.
