The name of a band is usually the first introduction one gets to a group of new musicians trying to make it big in the biz. So it’s pretty mind-blowing when artists have a collective brain fart and decide on a band name that is just plain idiotic. You would think these so-called "brilliant" artists would be a little more creative when it came down to their lasting legacy in music’s pantheon of greatness.
Stryper
Salvation Through Redemption, Yielding Peace, Encouragement, and Righteousness.
I am aware that the name Stryper derives from the King James Version of Isaiah 53:5:, but most people probably don’t know this. At first glance, most music listeners out there probably think that these Christian hair metal ass clowns are really into bumblebee spandex, the big man upstairs and a whole lotta Aqua Net. Either way, the name blows.
Then again, pretty much anything associated with Christian hair metal has to be bad.
BuckCherry
If there was a definition of a Los Angeles douchebag in the dictionary it would have a picture of this band’s lead singer getting Buckcherry tattooed on his stomach. As if this band didn’t suck enough, they had to try to associate themselves with the immortal Chuck Berry and tarnish his name in the process. Chuck Berry has had more entertaining bowel movements than this band has cheesy barbwire tattoos.
Slint
I don’t really know where the origin of this band’s name comes from, but whenever I whisper "Slint" to myself I get so enraged that I want to take a giant dump on their MySpace page. Their progressive math rock ain't half bad; it’s just a shame that they have a band name that even Mother Teresa would despise.
Ugly Kid Joe
I understand that these guys were trying to poke fun at the glam rock band Pretty Boy Floyd, but only the early ‘90s could have allowed this band to produce music. I’m not saying this band was bad, I’m just sayin’ that the combination of their Generation Y Ugly Kid Joe character and the somewhat annoying pre-grunge rock track “Everything About You” turned UKJ into a straight up novelty act. Sorry, fellas.
Vanilla Fudge
How in the f**k can a psychedelic rock and roll band name themselves after a soft candy made of sugar, butter and milk? This is why getting really stoned and trying to come up with a band name is really bad idea. I made that mistake once and ended up calling my band Bean and Cheese Burrito.
Red Hot Chili Peppers
I guess you could say that the name of this band name suits the music and members perfectly, but I still prefer the original name of Tony Flow and the Miraculously Majestic Masters of Mayhem. It’s been said that the fellas had to play a live gig and didn't have a new name yet. Supposedly they took the RHCP name off of a flyer for a band called Chili Willy And The Red Hot Peppers. Either way, they could have done a whole hell of a lot better.
Forever the Sickest Kids
I can’t believe that a band this bad chose a name worse than their music. I don’t even know what Forever the Sickest Kids is trying to imply. I can only assume that every member of the band has some kind of life-threatening disease and they thought it would be a good idea start producing unlistenable power pop for a generation of gullible twelve-year-old girls.
Winger
Do I really need to defend this choice? I can’t even say Kip’s last name out loud without spitting up my bean and cheese burrito.
Boyz II Men
I love me some “Motownphilly,” but the creativity behind this group’s name is just plain stupid. What was Michael Bivins smoking when he decided to allow the Philadelphia legends to release R&B records under one of the worst play on words ever?
U2
U2 can take their ambiguity and open-ended interpretations and shove them down their freakin’ throats. Calling yourself U2 and having a guitarist named The Edge might be one of the more self-indulgent acts in the history of music. Do people still really think that U2 is the best band in the world?
Nickelback
Chad Kroeger is such a genius that he decided to let his stupid half-brother use his days as a coffee shop worker as the inspiration for their band name. Apparently, the band got their name from the nickel in change Mike Kroeger gave customers during his days making Venti-sized bulls**ts at Starbucks. "Here's your nickel back." Pure genius.
311
I don’t know if you know this, but if you get charged for indecent exposure in a skinny-dipping incident by the Omaha Police Department, the code that will appear on the citation will be "3.11." That would be the perfect name for my alternative reggae-rock band, but I think it’s already taken.
Anal C**t
The thing that saddens me about this group is that they have some of the most awesome song titles ever and for unknown reasons decided to pick a stupid name praising the anus and vulva:
"You Have Goals"
"You Own a Store"
"Living Colour Is My Favorite Black Metal Band"
"Easy E Got AIDS from Freddie Mercury"
"The Internet Is Gay"
"You Look Adopted"
"311 Sucks"
Helloween
It really doesn’t get much cheesier than this. You gotta love German power metal groups trying to seem more evil by combining hell and Halloween into one demonic entity.
Razed in Black
Just the idea of listening to goth techno music makes me wanna vomit. Not only does RIB mastermind Romell Regulacion create some of the worst music on planet earth, he somehow concocted a band name that would instantly set young goth chicks off on an endless spree of self-mutilation and constant clove cigarette smoking.
The Music
This band formed in 1999 and the fact that they thought it would be a good idea to dub themselves The Music at a time when there was an overload of “The” bands is utter lunacy. If they were a group form the late-‘60s that made sweet progressive anthems I might have given them a pass. Instead, they’re a cookie cutter band from the U.K. that makes sentimental dance rock full of recycled stadium rock riffs.
Bongzilla
I like weed and I kinda like this band, but I see no reason why these dudes had to go ahead and base their entire musical work around smokin' buds. If I was high right now I might have giggled at the name of their band, but I am now sober at work and the name Bongzilla sounds pretty f***king 8th grade if you ask me.
Rage Against the Machine
I really used to love this band, but as time went on and I heard more and more of Zack de la Rocha’s political rantings, the real idea behind Rage Against the Machine started to slowly burn away. I’m all into bands speaking their minds about serious issues, but the cheeseball factor of watching a Coachella crowd of meathead frat boys misinterpreting the aggression of the band’s music made me realize how dumb the band name really was.
Insane Clown Posse
The idea that these dudes thought it would be badass to paint their faces and try to be the leaders of a gang of disgruntled Barnum & Bailey rejects is freakin’ laughable. Insane Clown Posse? Really?
First off, what the f**k is a Juggalo and what purpose does he serve? I would give every cent in my bank account to see a Juggalo attempt to rep ICP on the streets of LA.
Limp Bizkit
Without even hearing a note of this band’s music back in 1999, I already knew they blew the big one. Wonder why? It’s because they had the most nonsensical f***ing band name ever, and I could easily tell it was a clear reflection of how bad their music would be.
Not sure if I believe the whole “Masturbation Game” story as the inspiration for the band’s name. Apparently, a bunch of dudes stand in a circle masturbating on a biscuit and the last guy to release his love juice has to eat it.
I refuse to believe that Fred Durst is that creative.
