1 Tom Selleck
Who would Tommy boy be without his signature facial hair? He would be the P.I. without the Magnum, and a regular old P.I. doesn’t get to fly choppers, jump kick bad guys, peel out in a sweet red Ferrari or have a bevy of hot chicks at his disposal. No, Tom needs the ‘stache like he needs his Hawaiian shirts—how else will 45-year-old moms recognize this silver fox?
2 Hulk Hogan
The spandex, the bandana, the bulging leathery muscles, the ripping T-shirts—might look like any wrestler on the WWE block, but toss in that signature platinum-blonde horseshoe mustache and there’s no mistaking it: you're in Hulksville, brother. Like a Hells Angel on 'roids, Hulk Hogan would have been lost in a sea of neon spandex and oily bodies had his ‘stache not pulled him out of the dog pile and into the 1980s spotlight—where he has remained to this day. Hogan knows best—best not mess with a good thing.
3 Robert Downey, Jr.
Robert Downey, Jr. didn't want the constant praise and award recognition from his role in "Chaplin" to ever stop, so he kept a little bit of the character with him—on his upper lip. Those diamond-shaped patches of skin under his lip we could frankly do without. Sorry, Iron Man!
4 Johnny Depp
Yaaar, the Deppster’s decided to keep some of the facial hair from his role as Captain Jack Sparrow and we likey—especially with the long locks. Really though, Johnny can do no wrong and he proves time and time again that he’s just as hot with white makeup and scissors for hands as he is as an Irish gypsy enticed into a world of chocolate. Nice muss, Johnny… nice muss.
5 Jamie Hyneman
Jamie Hyneman may not be as well-known as some of the other men in this group, but his facial hair makes him a huge star in the mustache competition. The "MythBusters" cohost, who has experience working as a scuba diver, wilderness survival expert, boat captain, linguist, concrete inspector, animal wrangler and machinist, has kept his signature mustache throughout the show, even though it is often the butt of a joke or two in an episode.
6 Seth Green
A rare red 'stache in this group of manly mustaches, Seth Green's facial hair made him look a little too much like Luigi. But hey, it's also a distraction from the fact that his last couple of film have been major flops! (Remember "Without a Paddle"?)
7 Ryan Gosling
Ryan Gosling gained weight and grew a mustache to play an older loner in the truly odd "Lars and the Real Girl." While he's since dropped the weight, Gosling held on to his fuzzy facial fur long after the film wrapped. We think a quick trim is in order...
8 Colin Farrell
Oh, Colin Farrell. The luck of the Irish will never run out for you. You can wear your hair long or short, your face cleanly shaven or mustached. You will always be that Irish heartthrob. Lucky you.
9 John Waters
How difficult do you think it is to maintain the mouth-brow that Waters has going on? The ultimate high maintenance facial hair, the pencil mustache requires shaving from the nose almost to the upper lip, maintaining a thin, closely shorn strip of hair. Waters has had his for ages, making it a part of his overall steeze, but we think it looks like he got a little too drunk at a frat party and someone had their way with his upper lip and a Sharpie.
10 James Franco
Usually smooth as a sexy baby’s bottom, Franco grew out his upper lip fuzz to give him some screen cred for the '70s-era film "Milk"—because everyone had a mustache back then—and it worked for him in the film. So, if looking like a stoned truck driver straight outta ’78 is a part of his bag, then he should rock on with his ‘stached self. Otherwise, we suggest a Bic and some aftershave, stat!
11 Eddie Murphy
Eddie’s been carrying around his famous mustache all the way from "SNL" to "Meet Dave." It would appear that Eddie and his mustache are best buds for life, never parting for anything or anyone—minus a few shaves for roles as big, fleshy women named Rasputia. As much a part of him as his goofy donkey laugh, we wonder if Murphy’s taken out insurance on his furry friend like J. Lo did for her junk in the trunk?
12 Cheech Marin
Dude, Cheech and Chong would still be stoned in the back of their van if it weren’t for the sacrifice of Pancho—Cheech’s beloved mustache. Pancho was there for Cheech’s early days of goofing around as the token Mexican in many a film. But, when Cheech, ahem, Richard, decided that he wanted to get serious as an actor, all he had to do was say farewell to his longtime friend and confidant, Pancho. R.I.P., Pancho, you are missed!
13 Jason Lee
Homeless or famous? Wait, it's just Earl. Jason Lee has slowly—over the course of 86 episodes—given up his former self and has morphed into Earl Hickey, his mustachioed, karma-loving, set-things-straight character who graces our TV screens every Thursday night. One should never underestimate the power of a thick, bristly upper-lip—as soon as you’ve gone the extra mile to grow it out to its full potential, it assumes your entire identity, leaving you with a name tag that reads: “That guy with the mustache.”
14 Brad Pitt
Along with the wrinkles and the Academy nod, it seems that Brad thinks that growing into your age also means growing it on your face. With his less-than-full mustache, perhaps Brad is growing a hair for every child he plans on fathering with Angie? Or perhaps he’s channeling Clark Gable?
15 Sacha Baron Cohen
Cohen’s use of mustaches for his characters just goes to show that in comedy, ‘staches are “very nice” (sorry, couldn't resist). Exhibit A: Ali G, who could possibly be Joey Fatone’s doppelganger based on the facial hair alone. The horseshoe mustache that dips down to the goatee that wraps up nicely into a soul patch is no easy feat. Exhibit B: Borat, a stereotype—to the max—of a Eurasian tourist/journalist whose most prominent feature is his thick dark brown ‘stache.
16 John Oates
Best known as the mustachioed half of the famous rock n’ soul duo Hall and Oates, Oates’ mustache was the glue that held the ‘70s band—nay, the entire country—together. After fading out of their ’80s glory, Oates and his ‘stache parted ways and Oates went on to write seriously sappy music while his ‘stache went and signed onto an animated project where it would star as a crime-fighting tuft of facial hair that could be summoned by a rockin’ fist pump. Way to live the dream, ‘stache!
17 Dr. Phil
The baldness and the moustache are two of Dr. Phil’s signature traits, giving him both an approachable look (who would be intimidated by a balding eggheaded man?) and a trustworthy look (remember: you can always trust a mustache). Who cares if he doesn’t really have his psychology license? If Oprah says he’s golden, he must be, right?
18 John Travolta
If you squint really hard, Travolta could be the missing link for connecting the Hells Angels to the Village People. His horseshoe facial-do looks like a couple of anorexic caterpillars Slip-n-Sliding from his nose to his butt-chin. We’d like to be supportive of this bold move, John, but we just can’t.
19 Eugene Hütz
Part Lower East Side gypsy, part WTF, Hütz gets his sweaty, nomad-punk handlebars all up in your grill faster than you can say Kiev at his energy-infused Gogol Bordello shows—and we love every grimy second of it. Wooing you with his thick accent and man fur, one can’t help but fall victim to his crazy ways and join the throngs of gypsters dancing the night away. ‘Stache on, Hütz and strike the power!
20 Prince
A rock god like Prince has done a good job of maintaining his purple-y, sequined image over the years. And with that glamorous image comes his infamous fuzz. A barely there, slightly pre-pubescent boyish ‘stache has been spackled on his face for years, causing him to look forever young. Party like it’s 1999, y’all!
