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Wednesday, September 9, 2009

The 80s A Decade of Disturbing Films for Children

If you were born in the late 70s or early 80s, you too have most likely visited the psychiatrist to try and erase the painfully disturbing memories of movies from the 80s. Just about every film made from 1980 to 1990 had the same underlying theme: sci-fi fantasy crap mixed with children in danger, bad singing, and unexplained and unnecessary horrible situations and characters. Here are 10 of the most disturbing films of my childhood:



1 Labyrinth (1986)


David Bowie is Weird. Jim Henson is Weird. Put them both together and you get a staple fantasy-drag-opera with puppets. If that isn't disturbing enough - The baby in this film gets kidnapped by evil goblin things - Disturbing? Yeah, we're just getting started - near the end of the film they put the baby in the middle of this troll palace, and David Bowie sings to it. One of the lines in this song is "slap that baby make him free!" Watching this movie as an adult made me mad. Watching it as a kid gave me nightmares.





2 Little Shop of Horrors (1986)


Besides the horror of a man eating plant - this movie explores such innocent topics like: masochism, huffing, sadism, abuse - and worst of all - Rick Moranis.... singing.... This movie disturbed me as a kid because murder and chopping people up were being sung about like Bigbird would sing about butterflies. Why did they let us watch this as kids!? If your not convinced - just watch the dentist song scene:



3 The Goonies (1985)


Ok so I have to admit that The Goonies is a cult classic. This movie has some great parts - but the most disturbing part watching this as a kid was seeing "Sloth", an obviosly semi-retarded disfigured person tied up in a dungeon by his mother and teased and tormented by his siblings. Why is he retarded? Oh - good ol' "Ma" dropped him on his head a few times when he was a baby. Funny! Huh! I was also somewhat disturbed as a kid when Rosalita the maid starts talking about sexual torture devices.... I was about 5 years old when I watched this one for the first time!




4 Pee Wees Big Adventure(1985)

This clip explains it all.




5 All Dogs go to Heaven(1989)


The same year that "The Little Mermaid" came out, Universal Pictures released a wonderful little kids flick that dealt with death, violence, drinking, smoking, gambling, demons and Hell. The most disturbing part that still gives me nightmares is the scene where a building-size demon is lifting up rooftops looking for the main character "Charlie." Every night I waited for that same demon to open up my roof looking for me! Thanks a lot Universal Pictures!



6 The Secret of NIMH(1982)


Oh this "G" rates flick will be just fine! Lets see: A group of rats at an animal testing facility receive drugs that ultimately make them smart, and, of course - horribly ugly. Just check out old Nicodemus- He looks friendly! The drugs also make them unable to move out of their stupid rose bush when a plow is about to remove it.



7 Legend (1985)

This one got a PG rating! I'm sure you would agree with its rating after watching the preview to this wonderful little flick starring Tom Cruise, and.. Satan.





8 Return to Oz (1985)

Of all the films I watched as a kid - this one was one of my favorites. I really enjoyed the characters Tik-Tok, a steampunk robot man and Jack Pumpkin Head. But this movie gets a place on my list for the very unnerving room full of heads given to witch Mombi by the Nome King. Creeeeeepy! Oh and the electric shock therapy for Dorothy at the beginning of the film settles well with most kids.





9 The Last Unicorn (1982)

My sister-in-law who also grew up in the 80s had this to say about this flick - "(The Last Unicorn) was one of the most disturbing, I swear! especially when the skinny guy gets tied to a tree, facing it of course, & then the large tree turns into a ugly, horny woman with large breasts right where his face is. I mean, come on! Kid film, my butt. There were a lot of moments like that in the Last Unicorn that made me wonder why we were allowed to watch it. The vulture killing the witch was pretty gross. And the firey bull from hell that destroys all unicorns isn't what you would expect from a unicorn cartoon since sweet little girls like unicorns and fantasy, right."





10 The Dark Crystal (1982)

Skeksis have to be the creepiest things ever imagined. As a kid I remember the horrifying scene where the Skeksi Emperor dies - not sad at all - and then they all go after his staff of authority.




Even though these movies scared the crap out of me as a kid, I have to admit that they are way better than the disgustingly politically correct movies made for kids today. The creative art of movie making is lost with every overly cliché film pooped out of the movie industry each year.
 
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